Single Life So Far & Answering your Questions

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What if I were to tell you that being single does not feel any different to me than when I was married; as sad as that is to say, it’s the honest truth. Except the big difference now compared to a year ago is I am allowed to date; my ex was a cross country trucker so I was constantly alone and raising Sophia myself. The truth of the matter was when he was gone I missed him so much, that I could not wait for the day that he would get something closer to home so we could be together more often, but that never happened. Things have changed so much compared to this time last year.

But the show must go on…

Being single has been such a blessing in many ways, I feel more in control of my life and I feel for the first time in such a long time that anything is possible; and I am no longer waiting for the bottom to fall out. Don’t get me wrong, it has taken me such a long time to get to this point and some days it still bothers me that my marriage did not work out, because I wanted to grow old with him so badly; but I couldn’t live a lifestyle of uncertainty anymore and it was so unfair to Sophia. My life was stagnant…I was in a constant limbo of broken promises of a better future.

On a more personal note: I am absolutely craving life. I am craving to experience life the I feel like I missed out on for so long.

For Example:

I watched for the first time in over six years a Pittsburgh Penguins game on tv back in April….In my early twenties I never missed a game on tv.

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I am reconnecting with friends the I have not spoken to in such a long time and I am finally making future plans to see them even if it’s just to meet for a coffee or walk around the mall. I can’t stress to you how much I am craving life…it’s insane.

But I am taking it a day at a time and trying my best to enjoy life with my daughter. It certainly has not been easy by any means, but I am doing the absolute best I can.

Here are some questions that I have been asked the last several months:

  1. Are you dating anyone? If so, have they met Sophia?  This seems to be the most popular question of all that I have been asked. I am currently not dating anyone, it’s not for the fact that I don’t any have interest in it…I am not seeking it out. Meaning if I meet someone that I want to date or interested in; then I will date him, but I am not actively seeking anyone out. I am definitely not opposed to being in a relationship or dating someone. I want it to happen naturally, ‘sooooooo’ you won’t find me on a dating site. As far as Sophia meeting someone I am dating, I am very protective of her. She will not meet everyone that I date, my life is separate as a mother and a girlfriend. If a relationship turns into something more serious with the potiental of marriage, then of course Sophia will meet him. I want her to be comfortable around him, especially since he would be a constant in her life. But dating someone and saying “hi and meet my daughter.” That won’t ever happen, that is something I am very adamant about. Which leads to my next question.
  2. What do you do if your child does not like the person you are with? First and foremost I am a mother, and I always will be a mom. When I brought Sophia into this world I vowed to be the best mom I can regardless of my life’s situation at the moment. If I am with someone and she simply does not like them or she just can’t warm up to him, then I can’t be with them. I can’t bring someone into my child’s life without thinking about how it will affect them in the long run. Sophia is the number one person in my life, and any parent out there would understand they come first. 
  3. Does it ever bother you that you come as a package deal instead of you just being single? Absolutely not. The right person will accept myself, my daughter and my bad ass dog Jimmy. I understand that it is an adjustment, especially if they don’t have kids themselves. Listen, I am 29 most people are either married…looking for “the one”…parents…engaged to be married…divorced..etc.” Everyone has their own life stories, we can’t expect to have the same life experiences to have that “ideal life situation.” What is comes down to if you are fine with dating a mom then great, if not then my life moves forward with or without you. That’s just how it is. Plain and simple. 
  4. Has your marriage changed your personality at all? I would honestly like to say no it has not, but I would be lying to you if I told you no. What a lot of people don’t understand or possibly believe is that I loved my husband with all my heart and it took months of mourning and therapy to let him go. My marriage took an a ton of patients on my behalf, I held out thinking that I could help him and I believed him when he promised things would change. I find myself not having the patience that I used to have for men, my patiences some days feel worn out. And my toleration for bullshit is not there anymore. I am completely done with broken promises and bullshit. I am definitely not very trusting, I have been burned too many times. Trust has to be earned, I just can’t give it away. If I am in a relationship with someone I should be able to trust you and take your word. My marriage was extremely difficult and very emotionally draining. I wouldn’t wish my marriage on anyone. 
  5. Do you hate your ex-husband? God no I don’t hate him, I highly dislike him for reasons I won’t discuss on here. 
  6. What plans do you have for your future? I am actually thinking about returning to school part-time next year. Through the pain of my divorce I have found that I have been wanting to help people. I have several ideas such as: working with addicts to help them get on track to the road of recovery so they can lead a sober and safe life. Or I want to help woman change their lives for the better, whether that leave an abusive marriage or relationship…I believe it is Psychology I want to study. Nothing is set in stone for the moment though. I have a lot going on. 
  7. What relationship advice do you have for anyone? I would say get to know one another and before you make that trip down the isle…have a good argument. See how that other person reacts to an argument and watch their behavior and how they treat you. You have to get to know one another when things are not good and you are at your worst. Anyone can bring you roses and tell you..you are beautiful; but it’s when life gets in the way and the shit hits the fan is what brings out their true colors. 

If you have any questions please do not hesitate to email me at sarah.bellalife@gmail.com