Single Life So Far & Answering your Questions

IMG_8573

What if I were to tell you that being single does not feel any different to me than when I was married; as sad as that is to say, it’s the honest truth. Except the big difference now compared to a year ago is I am allowed to date; my ex was a cross country trucker so I was constantly alone and raising Sophia myself. The truth of the matter was when he was gone I missed him so much, that I could not wait for the day that he would get something closer to home so we could be together more often, but that never happened. Things have changed so much compared to this time last year.

But the show must go on…

Being single has been such a blessing in many ways, I feel more in control of my life and I feel for the first time in such a long time that anything is possible; and I am no longer waiting for the bottom to fall out. Don’t get me wrong, it has taken me such a long time to get to this point and some days it still bothers me that my marriage did not work out, because I wanted to grow old with him so badly; but I couldn’t live a lifestyle of uncertainty anymore and it was so unfair to Sophia. My life was stagnant…I was in a constant limbo of broken promises of a better future.

On a more personal note: I am absolutely craving life. I am craving to experience life the I feel like I missed out on for so long.

For Example:

I watched for the first time in over six years a Pittsburgh Penguins game on tv back in April….In my early twenties I never missed a game on tv.

IMG_8574

I am reconnecting with friends the I have not spoken to in such a long time and I am finally making future plans to see them even if it’s just to meet for a coffee or walk around the mall. I can’t stress to you how much I am craving life…it’s insane.

But I am taking it a day at a time and trying my best to enjoy life with my daughter. It certainly has not been easy by any means, but I am doing the absolute best I can.

Here are some questions that I have been asked the last several months:

  1. Are you dating anyone? If so, have they met Sophia?  This seems to be the most popular question of all that I have been asked. I am currently not dating anyone, it’s not for the fact that I don’t any have interest in it…I am not seeking it out. Meaning if I meet someone that I want to date or interested in; then I will date him, but I am not actively seeking anyone out. I am definitely not opposed to being in a relationship or dating someone. I want it to happen naturally, ‘sooooooo’ you won’t find me on a dating site. As far as Sophia meeting someone I am dating, I am very protective of her. She will not meet everyone that I date, my life is separate as a mother and a girlfriend. If a relationship turns into something more serious with the potiental of marriage, then of course Sophia will meet him. I want her to be comfortable around him, especially since he would be a constant in her life. But dating someone and saying “hi and meet my daughter.” That won’t ever happen, that is something I am very adamant about. Which leads to my next question.
  2. What do you do if your child does not like the person you are with? First and foremost I am a mother, and I always will be a mom. When I brought Sophia into this world I vowed to be the best mom I can regardless of my life’s situation at the moment. If I am with someone and she simply does not like them or she just can’t warm up to him, then I can’t be with them. I can’t bring someone into my child’s life without thinking about how it will affect them in the long run. Sophia is the number one person in my life, and any parent out there would understand they come first. 
  3. Does it ever bother you that you come as a package deal instead of you just being single? Absolutely not. The right person will accept myself, my daughter and my bad ass dog Jimmy. I understand that it is an adjustment, especially if they don’t have kids themselves. Listen, I am 29 most people are either married…looking for “the one”…parents…engaged to be married…divorced..etc.” Everyone has their own life stories, we can’t expect to have the same life experiences to have that “ideal life situation.” What is comes down to if you are fine with dating a mom then great, if not then my life moves forward with or without you. That’s just how it is. Plain and simple. 
  4. Has your marriage changed your personality at all? I would honestly like to say no it has not, but I would be lying to you if I told you no. What a lot of people don’t understand or possibly believe is that I loved my husband with all my heart and it took months of mourning and therapy to let him go. My marriage took an a ton of patients on my behalf, I held out thinking that I could help him and I believed him when he promised things would change. I find myself not having the patience that I used to have for men, my patiences some days feel worn out. And my toleration for bullshit is not there anymore. I am completely done with broken promises and bullshit. I am definitely not very trusting, I have been burned too many times. Trust has to be earned, I just can’t give it away. If I am in a relationship with someone I should be able to trust you and take your word. My marriage was extremely difficult and very emotionally draining. I wouldn’t wish my marriage on anyone. 
  5. Do you hate your ex-husband? God no I don’t hate him, I highly dislike him for reasons I won’t discuss on here. 
  6. What plans do you have for your future? I am actually thinking about returning to school part-time next year. Through the pain of my divorce I have found that I have been wanting to help people. I have several ideas such as: working with addicts to help them get on track to the road of recovery so they can lead a sober and safe life. Or I want to help woman change their lives for the better, whether that leave an abusive marriage or relationship…I believe it is Psychology I want to study. Nothing is set in stone for the moment though. I have a lot going on. 
  7. What relationship advice do you have for anyone? I would say get to know one another and before you make that trip down the isle…have a good argument. See how that other person reacts to an argument and watch their behavior and how they treat you. You have to get to know one another when things are not good and you are at your worst. Anyone can bring you roses and tell you..you are beautiful; but it’s when life gets in the way and the shit hits the fan is what brings out their true colors. 

If you have any questions please do not hesitate to email me at sarah.bellalife@gmail.com

 

Links & Loves & Thoughts

IMG_8448.jpg

This never happens, me sitting at a Starbucks-like coffee shop….alone. If you are from the Pittsburgh area many Giant Eagles (grocery stores) put a mini Starbucks right in front of the produce area. One this particular day, it was Sophia’s first day of preschool I remember feeling nervous being without her for two and a half hours, so I stayed local just in case I needed to pick her up….

Before you judge..she’s my one and only child…yes..I am the over protective parent!

BUT she did fantastic.

Anyhow, now that I am more relaxed about her attending preschool twice a week I am finding myself loving the relaxation period that I get. I typically do not go home, I mainly run errands. It’s nice to be able to run in and out of Target for a few items and it only take me ten minutes. As much as I love the mini break twice a week; I think about her most of the time we are apart.

Which is totally normal…right?

I just love that Sophia enjoys school so much, it’s such a relief. And I totally love my mini breaks! Us single moms need them!

Now onto links….

Pretty Coasters!

I am in search a of Homemade Pumpkin Pie from Scratch…I found this recipe…looks promising…but do you have a recipe you would like to share!

I love this Blanket Scarf! If you live up North, everyone should have a Blanket Scarf in their wardrobe…it’s an absolute must have. Definitely a winter staple for me.

Love this necklace!

I am in search of a new thriller book to read this fall…..any suggestions?

I hope everyone has a fantastic and safe weekend!

My weekend is quite eventful and jammed packed, if you want to follow along check out my Instagram Stories!

 

 

A Very Raw Update

SAM_3525.JPG

I am not much of a fan of change; most people would describe me as a “creature of habit,” I don’t like going outside my comfort zone, and normally if I find something that I like at a restaurant I stick with it. The last three years of my life has been anything but “normal,” and this year is all about change. So needless to say it has been one heck of a roller coaster ride; and honestly speaking I am just done…spent…whipped out.

Yesterday was more than I could handle. It was an emotional day, and by 5pm I was absolutely exhausted. My ex came up from Tennessee for a scheduled appointment that he had to attend; and to be quite frank I was unsure if he had any intentions of seeing Sophia. He has not asked me how she has been doing weeks and if we spoke on the phone and if I elected to tell him anything his responses were very short. I decided to stop telling him how she was, I stopped sending photographs of her….my thoughts were if he wanted to know how she is doing he could ask, but our phone conversations were never about Sophia. In fact, there wasn’t any phone conversations…just random texts.

Late morning yesterday, I received a text from my ex requesting to see Sophia while he was in Pittsburgh for the day. I was already in a pretty assed off mood to begin with, because what transpired from the day before (Tuesday). He owes me 3100. dollars from taking my child support for two months this past summer; for him and his girlfriend to live off of. The VA put 1600. in my account and my ex demanded that I give it to him, because he needed it to get to Pittsburgh the next day. And like an idiot I did it. I did not want the crap from him and I am tired of him asking me for money. It was literally a no win situation at all.

On a even more personal note: I am playing catch up with my bills for June and July and basically having to pay double on everything, just to get my head above water.

So, our custody agreement is when he has supervised visitation that we do not bring outsiders that are not family to visitation hours. At the time we agreed that it is not fair to Sophia that she meets everyone that we may date. I sent him a text stating that his girlfriend not come, that he has to buy Sophia school clothes since she is going to need them and that he be sober.

Needless to say, I assume his appointment did not go very well, because we ended up in a screaming match over the phone; not one of my proudest moments, but I could not ignore it for the hundredth time. It is draining to always have to play nice and the other party can say and do whatever they want. He threatened to take me to court for custody of Sophia, he could not understand why he is only given two hours a week for visitation and why he could not bring his girlfriend around. No matter what I told him, he did not want to hear anything I had to say; unless it was what he wanted to hear. I even said the 2 hour visitation is not an amount of time I came up with; it’s the states terms. He told me how dare I tell him how to spend his money, and I snapped back with “well you took from your daughter all summer this is the least you can do..don’t you think…”

The conversation got ugly; once he threatened to take me to court for Sophia I lost it, I’m was absolutely done with him threatening me and definitely tired of being his verbal punching bag when life does not go his way. I told him to bring me to court and see what happens, the judge won’t be slaughtering you (what he was afraid of when we started our divorce, that’s why we settled out of court) I will do it myself, I said “if this is the route you want to go..bring it on; you are no longer intimidating me…that ends right now; and so do your threats.” I then told him that I will be at our local mall in one hour so he could see Sophia and not to bring his girlfriend….

What does he do…he brings her, defies the custody order. It was so strange. I circled the mall to see if she was going to be there, because if she was…I was leaving. Then I turned the corner and walk right into them. Just my luck. I hated playing cool. He said “I just want us to get a long,” the truth is…

It’s never about Sophia…ever. It is always about him and what he wants. This was the first time he was going to see her since June and he could not follow our custody arrangement. He does not care about what the law states, it’s only what he wants. The funny part is we agreed on these terms together, they are not anything new and definitely are not surprising.

It is not fair, it just is not. It’s not fair that he comes in and out of Sophia’s life, but I have to make arrangements for when he wants to see her. It’s not fair that I have to follow guidelines and he can he whatever he wants…and its certainly not fair that he can pick up and leave…live wherever he wants too, but if I move out of state I need to petition the court so that he is notified, and he can appeal it…and then a judge can decide whether or not I can move. But most of all this is not fair to Sophia, she is the innocent person in this mess.

He is heading back down to Tennessee…and I am here to deal with the aftermath of him visiting Sophia. It affects her so much when he is in and out of her life; he has no idea what this does to her. I hate it, but I feel like my hands are tied.

This is not the man that I married 3.5 years ago..hell this isn’t the same person I met 6.5 years ago. The man that I married would never have never put his child second to anyone or anything. I don’t know who this person is anymore. It’s sad, because I never thought he would turn out to be like this…not once in a million years. The man that I married was the most kind and loving person you would ever want to know, he could turn your worst day into the best day and he saw beauty in everything and everyone. And he loved with all of his heart and would never intentionally hurt someone or disrespect you. He was truly my best friend in the entire world.

I have not seen that person in such a long time, it saddens me because I am not sure if he exists anymore.  He is not the man I fell in love with and married. He is not the same person anymore and the truth of the matter is; I miss that person. I miss dealing with a kind-hearted person. Even if we did not work out in the end, it should have never changed him and how he treats his daughter.

All I know is that I am going to check on my daughter, kiss her goodnight and be thankful that she is happy and healthy. Definitely going to count my blessings that I get to watch her blossom into a beautiful human being.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The First Week of Preschool

IMG_8422

 

Whooooooo! We made it through the first week of preschool!!!!

Sophia did fantastic! I was one proud mom dropping her off on her first day of school without having her cry for me as I left her.

Honestly, my fear was walking away from her as she cried for me, I don’t know if I would have the heart to walk away from her knowing that she was crying for me.

Thankfully, I walked her into her classroom, hanged her backpack up in her cubby went over to her and said “alrighty Sophia, Mommy is going to leave your here with all your friends and I will pick you back up soon. I love you so much.” And just like that the infant that I once held gave me a kiss and walked away from me.

As I walked away from her with emotions tugging at my heart I could feel the urge of wanting to shed a tear, but I didn’t.

I knew she was in fantastic hands; plus I graduated high school with her teacher so there is level of comfort.

There was a moment when she was an infant and I was going through the “blues stage,” I remember saying to my mom that “I am going to homeschool her,” I did not want her to go to school away from me..it was such a fear of mine. Three years later, I kissed her and trusted a stranger to look after her.

IMG_8426

I walked away without crying, because I knew she was going to have a blast. Sophia loves being around other kids, she is always asking for me to set up play dates for her. With Sophia being my only child, my main goal was to get her used to being around other kids and for her to learn the concept of sharing. I believe all of the play dates and library toddler classes really helped her get into the groove of school.

IMG_8433

As a single mom I never envisioned doing the first day of preschool alone or being the only single parent on the contact roster. It bothered me yesterday looking at the contact roster that was placed in her backpack and I was the only single parent on there, but as fast as it bothered me I got over it just as fast.

Accomplishing the first week of preschool makes me to relieved that everything went smoothly. It was an easy transition that I am totally happy about, plus Sophia loves it!

I am looking forward to the projects that she make and the little classroom performances that they will do around the holidays.

This is going to be a great year for her!

 

Cake Talk with a Funfetti Recipe

IMG_8340

When I was a student at Le Cordon Bleu about seven years ago I was the happiest I have ever been at that point in my life. I had dreams of writing my own baking  cookbooks, teaching baking classes, or maybe even become the White House Pastry Chef. My baking dreams were endless, but with life sometimes has a different plan. Instead of fulfilling my dreams; I fell in-love, got married, had a beautiful little girl, adopted a dog and then got divorced. This is the first time in several years where I actually am thinking about my future, and it is quite intimidating.

As much as I love being a mom; there are some days where I feel overwhelmed, inadequate or even alone. Being a single mom is hard, it’s harder than what I ever thought it would ever be. I am 24/7; I know it sounds as if I am complaining I can assure you I am not, but it’s challenging. Apart from motherhood; there is one aspect I know I do right and that is baking and decorating.

Baking for me is not just about decorating cakes and making them look pretty, it is a lot more than that. Baking and decorating cakes is a way to help support my daughter, as most single parent are on a fixed income and this gives me a little bit more wiggle room for those rainy days or if my car tire decided to blow out…I have a back up. Aside from helping me out financially, when I am decorating especially it is as if all my worries magically go away. It is a real passion of mine, and I love being able to help support my daughter with my passion.

I may not have became the White House Pastry Chef and my “baking book,” is definitely not hitting the top sellers list…..but I have decided to incorporate my baking and tips into my blog. I might not have my own kitchen to teach in but I can teach you on here.

I don’t hold the butter..it is not the French way…nor was it the way I was trained….so lets bust out the Thanksgiving stretchy pants and get crackin’!

But I promise to teach you my tips and tricks and every now and then I will throw in a healthier recipe.

Homemade Funfetti Cake:

(2) Cups All Purpose Flour                                                  (2) Teaspoons Vanilla Extract

(1-1/2) Cups Sugar                                                                 (2) Teaspoons Baking Powder

(1) Stick Salted Butter at Room Temperature                 (1/8) Teaspoon Salt

(5) Large Egg Whites                                                            (1/4) Cup Rainbow Sprinkles

(3/4) Cup Whole Milk                                                            6-inch Baking Pans

(1/4) Cup Shortening                                                             Parchment Paper

(1) Teaspoon Almond Extract

Assembly:

  1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Lightly whisk your All Purpose Flour, Baking Powder and Salt; just until incorporated.
  2. With a hand-held mixer or standing mixer cream together your Sugar, Butter, Shortening until light and fluffy. Remember to scrap down the sides. Add in your egg whites one at a time meaning; add one egg white in the mixture and mix until incorporated. Once all the egg whites are incorporate add your exacts and mix.
  3. The next step is quite crucial: You are going to alternate your dry mixture (flour, Baking Power and Salt) and your milk into the wet ingredients. For instance: add some of your dry to the wet and mix, then add some milk and mix. You are going to keep doing that until everything incorporated.
  4. Fold in your Sprinkles with a rubber spatula If you use a hand held mixer it will break the sprinkles in pieces.
  5. Spray your baking pans with some Pam; line with Parchment Paper. To get the correct measurements: trace the bottom of the baking pan on the Parchment Paper and using scissor cut the circles out. Place on bottom of the baking pans; you can spray a tad bit more Pam if you desire.
  6. Add batter and bake in the over about 33 to 35 minutes. Just check your cake every so often. If you stick a tooth pick in the enter of the cake and it comes back clean then your cake is done.

** I got (3) 6-inch cakes from this recipe **

My Process:

SAMSUNG CSC

Tracing your pans is the easiest to make sure the Parchment Paper fits the baking pans.

SAMSUNG CSC

My dry ingredients incorporated. I am assure you that I am a little bit of a messy baker. But haven’t your heard that messy bakers are good bakers?!? Just have fun with it! And if you find yourself stressing; pour a glass of wine or two..hey you might not be baking with wine, but it is baking with you!

SAMSUNG CSC

My creamed together ingredients, before I added my Egg Whites.

SAMSUNG CSC

After I added my Egg Whites one at a time, then added my extracts.

SAMSUNG CSC

Added some Flour and mixed

SAMSUNG CSC

Then some milk and mix. Just keep alternating.

SAMSUNG CSC

Now the fun part; add your Sprinkles!!!

SAMSUNG CSC

Everything is a little more fun with some colors!

SAMSUNG CSC

Fold in your Sprinkles!

SAMSUNG CSC

Bake off your cakes! One of my favorite way to test to see if a cake is done baking is to slightly push in on the top of the cake. If it springs back, the cake is done.

SAMSUNG CSC

Now you have ended up with some fun Funfetti cakes! They are super good and they will have everyone asking you for your recipe!

Since I have told you about one of my passions, what is yours? The kind that makes all that is negative in your life just drift away, even if it is only for a moment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sophia’s Unicorn Birthday Party

 

SAMSUNG CSC

Last weekend we celebrated Sophia’s 3rd birthday, that was Unicorn themed. Every since I saw the cutest Unicorn themed parties on Pinterest for little girls I knew exactly that; that was going to be her theme.

If there is one thing you should know about me is, I love to entertain. I love to throw parties, decorate for parties…so naturally I was planning for Sophia’s birthday party in advance. It was actually supposed to be the second weekend in September, but no one could make that date, but because her actual birthday falls on the 28th and that weekend is Labor day…I decided at the very last minute as possible to have it on the 26th of August.

I literally had two weeks to make it happen….

So lets jump right into the fun……

SAMSUNG CSC

They always say less is more, so I went to less decorations which resulted in less clutter and less that you actually have to clean up. I did add some pastel balloons all around the table and various places around the house.

The weather was perfect, I could not have asked for better weather. The kids actually spent more time outside instead of inside the house.

SAMSUNG CSC

Isn’t she pretty? I originally saw this balloon on Pinterest and was going to order it, but one day I randomly went to a local Party City and they had the same balloon! And waaaaay cheaper! So I got one for the outside and in the inside table.

To my surprise a lot of the unicorn decorations that I stumbled upon were on sale, I assume the unicorn theme must be a summer thing?

SAMSUNG CSC

Sophia and her best friend Karsyn! All day long all I heard from Sophia “mommy…Karsyn coming to my party?”

ALL. DAY. LONG!

These two play so well together, you can actually relax a bit when they are together, because they share so well.

You don’t have wrestling matches over the same toy….it’s such a great friendship for the girls.

SAMSUNG CSC

Little Emma came too! She is Sophia’s littlest friend…isn’t she adorable? What I love most about her is her ability to speak so well. Plus she is just super sweet!! We love you Emma!

SAMSUNG CSC

Since most of the kids ages ranged from 1.5 to 4 years old I was limited as to what activities to have them do. I almost bought a piñata, but I decided not to at the last minute.

I ended up resorting to bubbles, bouncy balls and just some old ole’ creativity and imagination. The kids loved the bubbles, and as much as the kids enjoyed the bubbles I believe the adults were right along with them.

At one point the kids were singing Ring Around the Rosie and dancing. So, it might actually work out in your favor to let them do their own thing, instead of a structure of entertainment.

SAMSUNG CSC

And there was a bunch of twirling in the mix as well!

IMG_8342

This turned out to be the best snapchat filter, it went so well with the party. I just wish I had everyone at the party take photos of themselves with the filter. I totally forgot about it. I was so busy that day!

SAMSUNG CSC

I brought back the punch for last years Confetti Party! Plus if you are interested in the how to make this addictive party drink here is how!  

SAMSUNG CSC

I think I have about 4 servings myself, if you didn’t drink coffee that morning you were leaving my house with a sugar high!

SAMSUNG CSC

A party is not complete without my moms Homemade Iced Tea! If you are wondering why there a plastic bag inside the Iced Tea, that is because my mom had a brilliant idea of putting an ice pack inside of a Ziploc bag; so it wouldn’t water down the Iced Tea.

And it worked beautifully!

We are all Ice Tea addicts here, so it’s quite crucial that we keep it well preserved!

IMG_8348

Here is the Unicorn cake I made for her birthday! I loved everything about this cake! It was a blast to make, would you bed interested in how to make this cake? A possibly future blog post?

SAMSUNG CSC

Sophia loved her cake, when I was decorating it late Friday night she kept trying to help me. And would sneak tastes of my homemade buttercream when she could!

SAMSUNG CSC

I managed not to cry while singing Happy Birthday. I just can’t believe that Sophia is three. Where has the time gone? I am loving every moment of all the stages!

SAMSUNG CSC

Karsyn was Sophia’s big helper while she opened up her birthday presents. I was overwhelmed by everything that she has received. Lets just say she is more than prepared for a growing spurt.

Here is a mini clip of everyone singing Happy Birthday to Sophia.

Thank – You to everyone that came to Sophia’s birthday party, she sure had blast and felt so special and loved by every single person. We love you guys!

 

Sophia’s Birth Story

Today Sophia is 3 years old! My gosh it went so fast! I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to share Sophia’s birthday story with everyone!

**This will be a very raw post**

Let’s go back to the very beginning…..

I was due for my period on December 25, 2013, but on the 24th of December I was not feeling the best meaning just feeling very off, but I summed it up to being my impending period. On Christmas morning I was opening up a gift that Adrian got me that was a snow globe with engraved message that read “Merry Christmas Sweetpea, I love you 2013.” I busted into tears, I loved it.

THEN…

My mom got Adrian and I tickets to go see the musical Wicked, I then bursted into tears over that. All of a sudden my mom asked “Are you pregnant.” And through the tears I replied “no, I’m not.” Can you say mothers intuition.

About two days after Christmas I was showing no signs of my period at all, in my mind I was either pregnant or dying; because if there is one thing constant in my life it’s my period. Adrian and I decided to get a pregnancy test and it came back negative. I took one a day and a half later and it was still negative, Adrian swore up and down he said a very very faint line, but I was not seeing one…I was waiting for the bold blue positive test line. I took 8 tests and they were all negative. Regardless of being pregnant or not I was making a doctors appointment.

On January 1, 2014 my sister stopped over the house and was asking if I got my period and I remember feeling very agitated with that question; I responded with “no, and I am done buy pregnancy tests.” She persuaded me on getting one more, but she ended up buy it along with a bottle of Gatorade. I chugged it in the car on the way home.

About 45 minutes later, I decided to take the test. I remember just sitting staring at the test waiting for my result, within a minute and a half the test was showing a negative sign….

THEN…..

I GOT THIS……

20140110_154710

My hands were shaking…I wasn’t dying….and all I could think was…omg…I’m pregnant! And then I balled. I remember telling my mom because she was cooking dinner and my sister, and I balled even harder. I could not wait to tell Adrian! I had no clue how I was going to tell him, my mom suggested wrapping my positive pregnancy test in tissue paper and put it in a gift box. And that’s what I did, but I wanted to get it on camera..his reaction….

Me telling Adrian I am pregnant….

We were so excited to be having a baby! Adrian was such a trooper through my entire pregnancy. He attend ever doctors appointment I had, cooked my favorite pregnancy foods and rubbed my back and feet. He was truly the best.

So lets flash forward to August 27th, 2014…..

20140825_155734

I was feeling really well that day, I had a ton of energy all week and feeling really great. I definitely thought Sophia was going to be late and I would have to be induced. But that certainly was not the case.

In the mid afternoon, I lost my pregnancy plug. I texted my mom photos…(eeew gross I know), because I wanted to make sure that was exactly what it was. Low and behold that is exactly what it was. I then texted my sister Crystal to tell her the exciting news and she said to me “you water is going to break soon.”

My initial thought wasn’t packing my bags, it was making sure my toe nails were painted. So nine months pregnant I managed to paint my toe nails. I remember it be challenging but I was able to get it done!

August 28th, 2014

The biggest day of my life! Even though I lost my pregnancy plug the day before I was still in denial of my water breaking. And if you think my bags were packed at this point…they weren’t. I did however have the suitcases in our room, so I was one step closer.

I woke up around 6:30 A.M. as I sat up and immediately thought I was going to pee myself. I did not have that issue at all during my entire pregnancy so that sensation was quite surprising. Big belly and all I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door. A few moments later my mom knocked on the door asking if I was alright…I told her I thought was water was breaking but I just had to urinate. My mom decided to drive into work that day just to be on the safe side, but she actually didn’t make it into work.

About a 2 minutes later, my mom and I were standing in Sophia’s nursery and all of a sudden I said to her “omg my water is going to break.” And like the Niagara Falls my water busted all over Sophia’s bedroom floor. I remember saying out loud “this is so gross.”

My mom ran into the bedroom and yelled in at Adrian…”Adrian get up..Sarah’s water broke.” I never saw Adrian move so fast before, within 8 minutes our hospital bags were packed and we were heading up to my OBGYN to make sure it was my water did in fact break.

Without a doubt it was my water, but my doctors had to run a test to get the positive result…HER WATER BROKE! Thankfully, my doctors office is connected to hospital, we were able to walk over. I was offered a wheelchair, but I was not feeling any contractions…so I assumed the walking would help.

My birth plan with Sophia was no pain medication at all, I wanted a drug free birth. But like most things in life, that didn’t go according to my plan.

IMG_0181

** The year on the photo is wrong**

As soon as I got into the room, and because I have not been feeling any contractions naturally, my doctors started me on Pitocin. They said I wouldn’t feel anything for a few hours, but I have a really sensitive system to any kind of medication…within a half hour I was feeling the contractions.

Over the course of the next couple hours, as many women in labor know you are actually never alone. Doctors and nurses are always coming in to check on you. Every time they visited they were cranking up the Pitocin, because I was not dilating past 2cm.

During my pregnancy I was very adamant about wearing my own under and bra during labor, but within a couple of hours I did not care if the president himself came in, I was ripping them off. All the fears you have while pregnant goes completely out the window when in labor.

IMG_0184

I knew when I went into labor I didn’t want very many people coming in and out of my hospital room. I only wanted Adrian and my mom there. Things moved really quickly once the Pitocin was administered…pain wise. I remember telling Adrian not to talk, I believe I told my mom to shut up, because she kept telling me not to hold my breath during a contraction.

And I sure as hell knew I was never going to have sex again. I mean EVER!!

To make matters worse at one point Sophia’s Oxygen level kept dropping when I was laying on my back. So the nurses slapped an Oxygen Mask on and told me to lay on my side, which was the most uncomfortable position in the world.

I was really miserable, but nothing compares to a kidney stone. Just sayin’.

Adrian was taking videos and pictures of me in labor, he is so lucky I did not notice, because I would have probably jumped out of my bed during a contraction…beat him with the camera and chucked it out the window.

BUT…

Even though they are the most unflattering photos in the world, I am so happy to have them now!

My doctor came in around 7:30 that evening and checked me one last time, and I still have not dilated past 2 cm. For the last time he increased the Pitocin to the highest level possible. I was in agony and beyond miserable, knowing that I was not dilating was very discouraging.

One hour later, my doctor check me for the last time and said “let’s get you prepared for a c-section.”

I think I mentally jumped up out of my bed and did a happy dance. A c-section was not apart of my birth plan, but I didn’t care if they had to pull Sophia out through my nose…she was coming out.

Once I got the epidural, I was ready to go and so anxious to meet Sophia!

On our way to meet Sophia…

IMG_0192

IMG_0193

Adrian went with me for my c-section. He was such a great support during the entire process, he held my hand…gave me kisses on my forehead and held the bucket next to my head. I kept getting really bad waves of nausea during the beginning of my c-section.

Before I had Sophia I thought about what if I had to get a c-section, and the part that bothered me the most was them strapping my arms down. But when the time came for my c-section I did not care.

As it turns out I have an underdeveloped pelvis, so all future children are automatically c-sections.

At 8:34 P.M. Sophia was born weighing 7lbs 7oz 19 1/2 inches long! Adrian did bring the camera into the operating room!

IMG_0196

Adrian said “she is absolutely beautiful!”

I could not wait to see her!

The first time I laid eyes on her I fell instantly in love. My soul purpose in life was to bring this little girl into the world.

Everyone was absolutely smitten by her.

That night after my c-section, is sort of a blur. I know I had some family come up to meet her, but the room cleared up pretty quickly. I remember passing out that night.

As most mothers know you don’t get a full night of sleep, especially if you are breast feeding.

A couple of hours later,  I woke up to hearing a baby cry from the hallway. I instantly knew it was Sophia. My favorite nurse came in and said “She’s hungry.”

I remember those nights specifically, because they were our bonding moments. Sometimes I would just hold her and just stare at the little miracle that I created.

IMG_0208

Sophia was known as the nursery as “the baby with all that hair!” She had so much hair that you could actually shampoo it.

IMG_0222

 

20140830_085201

Three years later….

Today Sophia is officially three years old. I honestly don’t know where the time has gone, it feels like yesterday that she was handed to me in the operating room. If there is one thing for sure, is that I hope Sophia knows that she means the absolute world to me. And I love her more than life itself.

Next week, she is starting preschool…..already. I can’t believe it, but I know she is going to have a blast!!!

I love you sweet girl! You have no idea how loved you are by everyone that meets you! You have a beautiful soul, and I am so happy to be your mom for life. You teach me so much about life and love, I wish everyone could see the world through your eyes, because I know the world would be a better place!

Happy Birthday my love! I would do everything all over again to have you!

IMG_8350